.growing.weary.on.my.own.

I'm not doing anything I'm supposed to be doing right now. Haven't exercised in so long, but the weather is so depressing here. It really makes me not want to leave my bed. Its so incredibly hard for me to get up in the morning, and its even tougher knowing I spend 6 of 7 days in a small portable staring at a computer screen, hoping I can sneak away for a single break. Don't get me wrong, I love my job and the folks I work with, but its a real downer feeling so stuck.

On top of being lazy at work, our hours just got longer, so I'll be dreading it even more. I will now be working 50 hours a week, minimum. It's hard for us to close when we should, people tend to keep coming in, and then are upset because I don't want to help them. Ha. I really hope we are able to hire one or two other people before summer hits us, so we can train them properly.

Other things I'm not keeping up with, brushing my dog. His hair is EVERYWHERE and its so hard to sweep everyday. I get a little dragged down because I feel like I have to clean so much everyday after I come home from work, and handle house things. I want less stuff in my house. So I have been slowly going through items in my room packing them in a pile for the Goodwill. Its hard to part with some things, like a box full of old show posters. I don't know what to do with them, but they're good memories of when I was actually really excited about going to shows.

I still can't get a good start on reading my Bible again, too. I sat down to try and read Hebrews the other day, but it just didn't speak to me and its hard for me to see what's going on in it, when I don't have my handy study bible. It disappeared somewhere after I moved my stuff out of Matt's house. I seem to have lost quite a few things, a box of shoes, a box of jackets, a box of books, etc. I'm not totally sure where everything is, maybe in the Maple Valley storage unit. Hopefully.

I also need to get into a steady habit of tithing at church, or even going to church. I really do enjoy listening to the sermon's at home. Attending is pretty difficult, I feel very out of place and uncomfortable. Its how I usually have felt, but its getting more and more awkward. I don't really feel like meeting new people, but I know when I do, I actually love it, but its that first step which is the hardest.

I really miss some women in my life, and am too tired to ever drive down to Renton to see them. After a long week of work, with only Sunday off, when I'm supposed to go to church and do something nice during the day and enjoy, I tend to lay in bed and relax too much. I don't want to leave the comforts of my blanket.

This was quite a ramble post, but I need to vent. A little stressed and strained lately. And lets not even start on my wardrobe....(although I did make a wonderful purchase of new sneaks thanks to a new friend in California!). Its getting late, and I have to ride back home and check on the doggies. I should read, but won't be able to bring myself to do it on my couch. More netflix is in store, I'm sure.